Talk:Chapter 1 Do or Die (Fireheart318)/@comment-24347334-20150218054854/@comment-24347334-20150219035305

Ok, first of all, Sarasota is only an hour away from where I live.

I've got to give you credit where it's due, it's a good first chapter, and I didn't see a whole ton of grammatical mistakes, so that's good.

However, it feels, shallow. Instead of telling what's happening, describing it would have been better, and I personally would have liked more dialogue.

So, it's promsing and for a first chapter, it's far better than my first writing piece. (I've sworn to never post it online.) I still think there is room for improvement though.